Need to vent

I got diagnosed with HPV (the kind that causes cervical cancer last
year). I might also have herpes. My tests came back borderline with
.98 result. I'm retaking it again to make sure. I'm scared. I want
to get married and have kids. Has anyone found happiness
(love/marriage) with this condition? so depressed. I
can barely live with myself.

Herpes and HPV are very common. in fact about 20% of the population in the
US has either of these genitally. When I found out I had HPV about 10 years
ago. because I felt dirty and unclean. Later when I found
out I had herpes. it wasn't so much of an emotional trauma. but still hurt.
I ended up going on antidepressants to deal with some of the herpes related
depression.
I ended up having alot of trouble at first meeting woman when I had to tell
them I had herpes. Alot said "see-ya!" right off and some I told later and
they still got turned off. I finally decided to go to a support group for
people living with herpes and met a woman who also has genital herpes like
me. She was a little nervous about the fact that I also have hpv because she
didn't have that. but she accepted it. Things are working out very well
between us and we have been together about 9 months now. Sometimes you have
to tell yourself that if they can't except you for having herpes. they
aren't worth it. Sometimes it might be better for some people to look at a
herpes support area. It just depends on the person.
There are alot of good groups out there such as www.yoshi2me.com and others.
You could look at www.westoverheights.com also. Remember one thing...You are
NOT alone.

Thanks Al. I did meet a man after the diagnosis and we were together
for 7 months. He was a jerk though. I told him what I had and he
accepted it. He admitted he was into S&M stuff so I accepted that (who
the hell was I to judge). He treated me like crap and I accepted it
because I felt like crap/dirty. I will never be with someone who's into
that stuff again.
I want to meet kind individuals and the trauma of the diagnosis still
sticks one year and a half later. I have an anxiety disorder which
causes all these worries and guilt to race in my head.
I practiced safe sex and look what happend.

Pretty much all of us have been there. And I can tell you that
it does get better and will become a minor. insignificant annoyance in your life
and nothing more.
We get married. We have kids. We are happy. Just take the time you need to
get your own head around it and realize it isn't any big thing. We're here to
answer questions.
Thanks. That's good to hear. I've been a mess lately. Lots of guilt
issues. Well. here is a question. What is a breakout like? I've
never had one. I've had acne in the private area but I've had that
before I was ever sexually active.
Have you also heard of false positive scenarios with the HSVII test?
My test was borderline. I just took another blood test the other day
and am waiting for the results.


Breakouts are different for everyone. so I really can't tell you what to expect.
I am lucky in that my HPV was easily treated because I had warts which were
removed and never came back. I understand that is NOT the kind that contributes
to cancer. And I have type 1 genital herpes which is generally less severe than
type 2. Though the first two years I had it were very difficult and painful. I
work hard at staying healthy by eating right and exercising. I also try not to
stress out too much. :) I haven't had an outbreak in many. Some people never have outbreaks. Others have just an itch. Some have just a
rash. Some of a pimple looking thing--but often pimple looking things are just
pimples. Some have a horrible time with their herpes. There are certain
triggers you can learn to avoid. but triggers are different for everyone. And I
learned the hard way to never. ever take a steroid. I was on prednisone for
three months for my thyroid disease and that lowered my immune system and opened
me up for the worst herpes EVER. It was weeks of torture and pain and was quite
unbearable. So. no more steroids for me.
The blood test you are taking isn't the best one around. Sometimes it is
difficult to figure out what those numbers mean. The gold standard is the
Herpes Specific Western Blot. It will say. Positive for --and then the type.
Or. negative. So easy and no guesswork. Unfortunately. most doctors don't know
anything about it. False positives aren't too common. False negatives can be
more common mainly if you are tested too soon after infection.

here is a question. What is a breakout like?
It was a blood test. I don't know the specific testing kit used by the
lab. It's being rerun. It gave a .98 result. Borderline according to
my gyno. She couldn't tell me I had hsv II either way. Hence
rerunning the test.
As for the why I feel like I will never have a relationship or get
married.. Well. I didn't get one but two stds. One is enough to cause
people to run. I'm know saint. I haven't had just one or two
boyfriends in my life (I did use condoms though). I just feel like
some guy is going to see me as a dirty whore. The stigma is horrible.
It's hard enough to meet anyone decent out there.


Thanks. I keep tormenting myself about this. I have an anxiety
condition and it's making the situation worse. The feelings of
self-hatred and depression are just non-stop.

It's okay to feel the way you do! But do know that when you change your views
of yourself. then others don't seem to react as negatively. I mean. I got
herpes and hpv from my first lover. My first time out of the gate. so to speak.
I was pretty sure my life was over. And here I am. a
bit wiser. So believe me when I tell you things do get better. You may find
the stds are a blessing in disguise. They tend to weed out the jerks.

I agree with ar. I thought my life was over when I was diagnosed with
herpes 6 years ago. but then I realized that my life wasnt' over and it
was a blessing in disguise and it did help out with the guy search. If
a guy didn't want to be with me b.c of it then so be it. at first it
was hard to deal with and get over. but after each time it got alittle
easier.

then others don't seem to react as negatively. I mean.
When I got diagnosed I was already in therapy for an anxiety disorder.
Maybe because I got into another relationship it held back the shock
and anger. I went off zoloft a few months ago and it's been hard to
adjust without it. I want to try. Just too many issues to deal with
at once (std. etc). I've vented on an anxiety
website and they urged me to go to a site like this with people in my
situation. It has helped to see other people with my predicament.
But. regardless the guilt. shame and disgust are so prevalent.

I'm on zoloft also. I don't plan on getting off of it at all ever! When
I was first diagnosed. i thought about going to a counselor to work
through the issues and emotions I was feeling. b.c none of my friends
could relate. But. then I was on AOL back then. and I joined a support
group on there and talked to a lot of people and it helped a lot.
Also. what helped me when I talked to a partner about it. it also helps
if you don't sound like it's the worse thing that could happen to you.
I know when I talked to someone about it and I just talked about it
like it was no big deal. they reacted better--but I did give them all
the facts also.